Apparently genius wasn't paying attention, as the guy prior to him tried the same move, and ended up with a nail in his required breathing organ, yet somehow feels that it is okay to flail about with all four arms as you, the badass knight that you are, managed to pin him down with just your badly beaten elbow.

Minor (or major?) detail aside, I immediately surmised that the individuals in charge of brutally cleaning me happen to be short on a few thinking facilities that allow for fluid thought to go from A to B.
Idiocy aside, I pushed through only to see everyone freak out, one guy let me go, and a massive leap into the Ocean. Neat-o. Feels like every other movie I've seen at this point.

So the game starts 7 days prior, to when you were a knight. The game having smalltalk on a 2 way radio communicator that is actually a giant freaking speaker attached to your right shoulder blade, and then proceeded to have you use the monocle glass for the first time in a long series of times that will make you think the guy who came up with the system of a monocular fell in love with his, and convinced the hire ups that we, the gamers, would too, as it pops up too many times to make sense.

That aside, the graphics were fun to glance at, the music was completely forgettable, and the style was pleasing on the eye. You go through the streets as the game teaches you more mechanics that you'll abuse later due to it's inability to actually teach you how to play without telling you (my R3 began to wear down since it's “Objective locating” abilities you can't see my air quotes on this, but it's there).
Pushing through, you get a basic story of the Knights of the Round doing their civil duty during the Jack the Ripper case, and you are hunting werewolves.

Neat-o.
Guns, firing, running around like it's a scripted assassin's creed game, we come across me wondering where the hell you're suppose to go. I didn't realize it at the moment, because I was still getting adusted, but I found out halfway through, just how the game seperates what you can climb on, and what you can't.

If you've ever wondered what pigeons are capable of after Taco Tuesday, than look no more!
Every goddamn ledge is covered in bird shit. A lot of it. So much that I don't know how you don't just slip right the hell off and into a gameover screen.

That aside, you find your first werewolf.
You kill two, one wrecks your shit, and now you are introduced to the Black Water you drink to quick heal yourself. The game kinda goes over wtf it is. Turns out it's some holy grail thing King Arthur found, and you drank it, to become a Knight of the Round.
If you have the odd creepy sensation of dejavu creeping up your spine, don't worry, you've seen this once before with Grey Wardens in Dragon Age. Because originality.

Anyway, you kill the kinda furry fuckers, only to realize they are less of a threat then the massive amount of people who keep showing up, trying to turn you into a walking royal block of swiss cheese, only to find out that your flavor is quite sharp, and your old age makes your aming complete garbage.
I got fustrated with this game's inability to actually have a working aim reticle, so I began to run up to people and kill them with a lovely assassination move.

To the game's credit, the melee kills actually work in conjuction with the locatoin of the enemy, the location of their face, and the closest surface you can press it through, so good job there. It was quite satisfying there.

So, aim irritation aside, I found the story to be cliché as hell.
You meet the crew: your guy is the one who ends up being betrayed, your forgiving friend who hits on any female, and your love interest who ends up hating your guys over a miscommunication and blackmail (more on that later. Maybe.), and the head of the knights of the round, the Lord Chancellor, who has as much charisma as a rabidly foamed mouth of a dog with a pet me sign attached. He radiates as much trust as one at that.

Moving on: 400 bodies later (I think this is an underestimation, to be honest.) you learn your mentor is onto something, betrayal, things aren't as they seem, yadda yadda.
At this point, I'll be impressed to play a new game that does keep saying “The head of the knights of the round is an evil bastard who was in on it all along”. I doubt it'll happen anytime soon.
Anyway, he dies, you get pissed, revenge is a thing, you run off, you become the traitor because you become a scapegoat, and vampires get introduced.

No, you don't get to fight them. They are just there in boxes, because they are getting shipped off like they are a bag of meth, and the people in charge need a fix. The guy who has his foot on the order's neck from the shadow is the main vampire dude, and your boss is a prick. That's about the entiretiy of the game, not counting the fact that you become friends with the enemies because “common foe” your hideout is in a whore house (not kidding), and the game ends up with the lover's brother being a were wolf the hold time, only for the game to end on a cliff hanger leaving the Lover to be angry without knowing what is going on, the chancellor admitting he knew the truth, and you blowing the shit out of your trusted brother of your lover with a stupid amount of quite time events.

This game even took “Okay, on the count of three” into a freaking QTE. Who does that?

Don't get this movie. Hitting Play on a DVD was more entertaining.

Note: I'm aware of the game's actual title.
I just don't care.

Second side note:
Armored knights running at you with shotguns is not innovating game play.

I have a few more thoughts on the game, but I'll leave it as open ended as it's fucking ending.

*whispering*
Is Battle for Bikini Bottom next?

The Order: $19.96 is too much to ask

My Hero Academio